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If you love animals this'll hurt to watch, it's graphic animal cruelity. [Oct. 18th, 2005|09:28 am]
[mood |frustratedshocken up/determind 2 protest]
[music |Very saddened/upset.Need 2 do our best 2 stop this curelity!]


This isn't a virus or anything. I hope people see this and will help me form the biggest protest in Philadelphia that's possible and I will keep protesting this untill something monumental happens. It needs to stop and I won't sleep without knowing that I am doing all that I can to help stop this extreme curelity and killing. :-( When I saw this I didn't even know what I was going to see. I looked on a persons Myspace page and it jus played. I made myself watch it all but I almost stoped it. I cried a bit but I was holding ALOT in because I am at my college's libary. I was covering my face, gasping and bitting my hands. I hope who sees this can handle it and will try to help me spread the word about what JCREW and probably other clothing companies are doing. These pets are simple that, pets, they were stolen from their owners, tortured and then killed for fur. All responces are welcome. Please leave your notes and comments and if you can help that'd be great too.
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Josh me and Alex. I wanna be one big happy family. Can we have that? [Oct. 5th, 2005|02:57 am]
[mood |exhaustedemotionally/physically drained]
[music |Eternal Flame]

FrOsTyFoX36C3036: did you talk to Josh online tonight?
byu loves yoU: yeah for a little bit why?
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: jus was hoping you did
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: Josh had mentioned being on for a little bit at school to talk to Sam and the Ring about the Cali event
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: so r things better?
byu loves yoU: i dunno
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: guess u didn't go 2 practice 2night
byu loves yoU: no im not going to practice anymore
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: because of that night?
byu loves yoU: because of continuous garbage
byu loves yoU: i cant tolerate someone not working even half as hard as me
byu loves yoU: it drives me insane
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: I think ya'll jus have different approches
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: have you expressed yourself to Josh?
byu loves yoU: yes
byu loves yoU: a large part of the problem is you distracting him
byu loves yoU: or somehow messing things up
byu loves yoU: its been a continuous problem for a year
byu loves yoU: and im not gonna put up with it anymore
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: I never go to practice so that has no validity
byu loves yoU: thats not true
byu loves yoU: last time i went... and josh was actually there... you were there too
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: dude I've probably only came 4 times ever
byu loves yoU: then gatherings...
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: well Josh asks me to go and you have to get used to the fact that he has a girlfriend and he wants me to be a part of his life and interest, including breakin. What's your problem? I wouldn't go if Josh didn't want me there or ask me to come with him.
byu loves yoU: i know
byu loves yoU: but josh doesnt get anything done
byu loves yoU: i havent seen him do anything new in almost a year
byu loves yoU: he doesnt do any training of any sort
byu loves yoU: he used to be better... in the sense... that he was actually making progress
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: and why are you giving me so much credit towards this
byu loves yoU: and the passed year has been really bad
byu loves yoU: im not putting the blame on your more than him
byu loves yoU: its mainly his fault
byu loves yoU: i just dont want someone involved with my art thats barely contributing
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: I can't speak for Josh but I feel he jus wants to have fun and do his own thing. I have been going out with him for less than 6 months, well almost half a year now and either way it didn't change how much time we spent together.
byu loves yoU: he made his choices on what his priorities are
byu loves yoU: and dancing isnt very high on the list
byu loves yoU: its been lower than school since he started school..
byu loves yoU: and now its lower than everything
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: ummm I jus want to say that I know there were times that you were hanging with Josh and then you decided to go home jus to text Tara, and she was your number one priority and so was Kate. You make it seem like you're not human and everyone else is a love sick puppy dog but you seem to get it bad the worse. Why do you feel the need to judge and put people down all the time? You don't seem to see that you do a lot of what you find another people to do, annoying and irratating.
byu loves yoU: thats why i said i want to be alone
byu loves yoU: i dont want to be distracted anymore
byu loves yoU: my most powerful time period for my art was when i moved to pittsburgh and i was alone all the time
byu loves yoU: i prefer it
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: do you really feel that you can escape love and hurt and pain?
byu loves yoU: and... look... im not judging... josh can do whatever he wants
byu loves yoU: im not telling him hes doing anything wrong...
byu loves yoU: im saying i dont want to waste my time with him
byu loves yoU: because thats essentially what happens
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: uhh it sounded like that in a text you sent him Saturday
byu loves yoU: hes slowing me down
byu loves yoU: thats because... me and josh used to be best friends
byu loves yoU: and now we're not
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: do you ever think that you can make him depressed by what you are saying?
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: well Josh still conciders you one
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: in that senence you sound jealous and resentful towards me
byu loves yoU: i was calling him a hypocrit
byu loves yoU: because he always complains about other people doing the same thing
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: like who?
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: but like you were trying to make him feel gulity when you've done it to him
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: I've never seen someone so into someone as deeply as you were with Tara and Kate
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: I can't imagine Josh complaining about someone being in love and wanting to spend time with that person.
byu loves yoU: i never became removed from josh tho
byu loves yoU: over a relationship
byu loves yoU: josh was still my best guy friend
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: well the way I remembered it, Josh didn't feel that way. He felt pushed a side, I'm pretty sure.
byu loves yoU: ok
byu loves yoU: well whatever i had enough of it
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: you feel that if I wasn't around that Josh would be more focused on dancing
byu loves yoU: no
byu loves yoU: leave me alone im not talking now
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: I will say this, I do remember a while back, probably a year ago, Josh was saying that he didn't want a relationship in general and he wanted to focus on other stuff, dancing being one of the things.
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: O.K. Jus one last thing, I don't understand how you can say no to my last question then but say that I am distracting him and get all his attention and all that stuff and yet say if I was out of the picture that things would still remain the same, as him being not focused. So you haven't made any sense.
byu loves yoU: no
byu loves yoU: ever since josh went to school...
byu loves yoU: hes been less and less focused on dancing
byu loves yoU: its his personality
byu loves yoU: hes not a hard worker
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: this is sad. you and Josh should be getting along regardless of dancing. You were and should be still best guy friends because you two care for one another. Don't push him away He loves you, dancing or no dancing.
byu loves yoU: the only reason josh and i are friends is dancing... before that we never got a long
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: in school I know he is. He's gets a's. Maybe that
byu loves yoU: we use to hate eachother
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: is why, he's too focused on that and now he has a job and a relationship
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: dude, how long have you known him? I never knew that
byu loves yoU: since i was in like 3rd grade
byu loves yoU: or maybe 4th
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: WOW
byu loves yoU: we were both friends with alex... i've been friends with alex since i was 5
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: well when did ya'll become friends?
byu loves yoU: not until like 2000
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: when Josh and I met
byu loves yoU: when i started dancing... and josh sorta followed that
byu loves yoU: i started dancing... then alex did... then josh did
byu loves yoU: then keith
byu loves yoU: me keith alex and josh became like best friends around that time
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: Josh and I went to junior high but I was too shy and insecure to talk to him even though I wanted to and then we became instant best friend September 11th 2000, when I went to go met Alex H for the first time, at lunch. Met Keith that day too.
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: so much has changed over 5 years
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: it's insane, when I look back on it it seems like a dream
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: How come you two hated each other b-4 dancing?
byu loves yoU: i dont get along with people usually
byu loves yoU: definitely not someone whos into sports
byu loves yoU: (soccer)
byu loves yoU: josh was always talking about soccer
byu loves yoU: so i hated him
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: HAHA ya in junior high I would always hear his name on the PA system and I would laugh my ass off, I was like who da f is Josh Handfinger, like his last name made me laugh, now I think it's kool. It'll probably be my last name someday. But ya he was on the annoucements he said for soccer.
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: ya art people usually aren't into sports
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: well all I hope for is for everything to be restored. That you and Josh open up and have like effective clear communication with each other and for things to work out for the best. I want you two to be best friends and happy with each other. I gotta get some sleep now. Good night.
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I think I feel much better now [Sep. 15th, 2005|05:28 pm]
[mood |satisfiedglad all is well]
[music |So Yesterday Hillary Duff and Lose my breath Destiny's Child]

FrOsTyFoX36C3036: Just wanted to see if you're ok
Aphrodite12184: i am are you
Aphrodite12184: sorry for being awful
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: did you like unblock me or jus not go on this name
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: I saw you on here for a little bit about a month ago or so
Aphrodite12184: i never go on this name anymore
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: o
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: jus emoo?
Aphrodite12184: yeah
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: o well I wanted to let you know, I lost figgin 48 or more lbs I went down like 6 jean sizes or more.
Aphrodite12184: im geniunly glad for you
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: I'm losing the weight and fast rapidly now but at a healthy rate, jus very consistant
Aphrodite12184: good job
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: I still wanna lose about 29 more lbs
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: thanks
Aphrodite12184: it was worng of me to go there if that is why you are telling me about it it wasnt right
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: o well thanks
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: I know Josh will feel a lot better knowing you appologised to me about that cuz that really upset him.
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: We're still together if you wanted to know
Aphrodite12184: im glad
Aphrodite12184: i was about to ask
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: lol
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: thought so
Aphrodite12184: andy andi are too
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: well that's good

FrOsTyFoX36C3036: I was wondering about you guys
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: how's marriage been?
Aphrodite12184: wonderful a change but very wonderful
Aphrodite12184: leot of growing and talking but you now
Aphrodite12184: uu have to mae it work and dedicate and ttae the time
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: How's it different than jus being together? I'd like to know the difference so I can imagine how it'll be like for me
Aphrodite12184: lie you now when you are dating someone and they do some things athat ir you a litte and you just ignore it?
Aphrodite12184: or have habits you dont lie and you ignor it
Aphrodite12184: lie you cnat do that when you are married becuase u realize this is it and i have to address this or its going to be a big deal
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: ya Josh and I always are trying to make it even better than what it is now. We want to be as happy as possible and even though the past STILL hurts me I know I love him and that he turly loves me back. Josh is my savor he has made me realize I deserve to be loved and to love myself and if I didn't have him I wouldn't have lost the weight or kept it up. Josh never asked me to lose but he's always been by my side and he's very proud of me.
Aphrodite12184: that imporant tlaing and ecoaring is essetnial
Aphrodite12184: i thin one thing you two have that wors is communication casue its ey
Aphrodite12184: everythign has to be taled aboutand discusses and on the tablele or thing wont wor
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: Oh yes but with Josh I feel compelled to tell him the truth and the whole truth, even if it's the little tiny tinest thing. Josh has always been my human diary I know to better communicate my feelings with him now and try to understand myself now and figure out why I do or feel that way I do so that we can find the solution together to be happy and feel more complete I know I need to be vocal about what I don't like and want to change.
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: ya that's true
Aphrodite12184: exactly and that how it has to ber or its jus tnot going to work
Aphrodite12184: its lie your already marreid then hehe
Aphrodite12184: how is he?
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: so I assume you've run itnto some problems?
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: good and happy
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: he has a job at Pathmark in the deli section, since like the first week of May
Aphrodite12184: some nothing we couldnt wor thought
Aphrodite12184: ever marraige has them
Aphrodite12184: nice
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: and I jus got a job at a grocery store back home and they also hired me for the deli
Aphrodite12184: he graduating hi year?
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: ya Josh says whatever I go thru he goes thru, whatever I feel, he feels and that I am his life partner. This time around he's really sticking around
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: ya and then probably going to grad school there
Aphrodite12184: so you guys engaged?
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: like last time we were together and things we'ren't going to great cuz of the change of him living at Temple, he said he under appericated me and well I mean you know the rest but he says he'll never live that down, he said he wished he tried to work things out
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: no I don't wanna get married till I'm 28
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: but we're moving in together next September and I should be going to Temple then
Aphrodite12184: awesome
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: I know exactally what day I wanna get married
Aphrodite12184: mayeb it was the challenge he needed or soemthing i thin everything hapens for a reaosn
Aphrodite12184: what day?
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: July 28th 2010, I'll be 28, Josh 27 and we'll have known each other for a decade
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: me too
Aphrodite12184: thats cute
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: well you know the situation of going to college and being away from home and being insecure. Everyone else wanted to party but he met you, wanted to be friends and got caught up in things cuz you and him had some things in common and he liked talking to you. I understand all that. I trust him, but I am still insecure but now Josh is being more vocal about how he feels for me. I told him even though you think I might know, or even know I do know how you feel I need to hear it, ALOT so now that's changing
Aphrodite12184: i thin i am more grown up as a maried woman and a mom to be
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: well I met him September 11th 2000, a year before 9/11. Actually I knew who he was in junior high '97 but in 2000 is when we became best friends instantly and attached to the hip
Aphrodite12184: it has to grow you up ther is no doubt
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: July 12th was our first offical date and my sis's b-day. My fav number is 28, has been since elementary school, so that's how I picked the date, I wanted it to be warm outside and July is usually the hottest month, like when I'd see calendars of like singers, like Christina aguleria, they had like the sexiest pic for that month and I wanted to feel that way also. I didn't wanna get married on my sis's b-day cuz that'd be werid so. Oh and wanting to get married at 28 is good because it's a few years past 25 and under 30. I jus wanna make our relationship the happiest and fullfilling as it can be before we take that huge leap into marriage I wanna experience so much more with him and life. I enjoy college and learning so much and I'm taking a couple classes this semester that Josh has a strong interest in so that'll get us a lot closer together too. There's so much I want and I know nobody
Aphrodite12184: that awesoem plan
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: is taking Josh away from me, he's not going anywhere so I am savoring the moments we have. I am still very young. I think around age 25 you personality is mostly formed and I don't think there's a whole lot of change in you after that. I was actually told in my psych of personal awareness class that the frontal lob isn't usually totalled formed untill the age of 25 and that's what deals with your personality. I totally agree with you on experiences make people become closer to each other and Josh and I really have gone thru everything and I know we'll go thru much more but we'll be at each other sides, loyaly
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: thanks
Aphrodite12184: i hope you are not critcizing my own life chioce subtly
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: not at all
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: I am saying I am different than you
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: I was trying to say is that I understand now
Aphrodite12184: ah
Aphrodite12184: awesome i am just a tad touchy ya now
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: how you feel and why you did what you did
Aphrodite12184: i am going to scool agian and woring and trying to mae things wor
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: and I'm jus very happy for you and I really hope it continues to be a very loving and healthy relationship
Aphrodite12184: thans
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: I'm not being fake at all about this, this is for real
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: So when are you due?
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: last time we talked you were pregnant again
Aphrodite12184: i am
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: with a boy, right?
Aphrodite12184: yeah
Aphrodite12184: im dig as a cow now but andy loves me jsut the smae
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: when are you due?
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: do you have any pics of you on your comp?
Aphrodite12184: hey i actually have to go grab the groceries and pic up some paper wor at the office
Aphrodite12184: ill tal to you later
Aphrodite12184 signed off at 5:13:27 PM
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Thank God I Found You [Sep. 13th, 2005|11:28 pm]
[mood |flirtyflirty]
[music |The above and all cheezy love songs:-)their close 2 my heart]

Thank God I Found You
Mariah Carey
I would give up everything
Before I'd separate myself from you
After so much suffering
I finally found unvarnished truth
I was all by myself for the longest time
So cold inside
And the hurt from the heartache
Would not subside
I felt like dying
Until you saved my life

Thank God I found you
I was lost without you
My every wish and every dream
Somehow became reality
When you brought the sunlight
Completed my whole life
I'm overwhelmed with gratitude
Cause baby I'm so thankful
I found you

I would give you everything
There's nothing in this world I wouldn't do
To ensure your happiness
I'll cherish every part of you
'Cause without you beside me I can't survive
I don't wanna try
If you're keeping me warm each and every night
I'll be all right
Because I need you in my life

Thank God I found you (I'm begging you)
I was lost without you (so lost without you)
My every wish and every dream (every dream, every dream)
Somehow became reality
When you brought the sunlight (brought the sunlight)
Completed my whole life
I'm overwhelmed with gratitude
Cause baby I'm so thankful
I found you

Bridge: (Mariah, Joe)
See I was so desolate
Before you came to me
Looking back I guess
It shows that we were destined to shine
After the rain, to appreciate
The gift of what we have
And I'd go through it all over again
To be able to feel this way

Thank God I found you
I was lost without you (lost without you baby)
My every wish and every dream
Somehow became reality
When you brought the sunlight
Completed my whole life (whole life)
I'm overwhelmed with gratitude
Sweet baby I'm so thankful
I found you

Thank God I found you
I was lost without you
I'm overwhelmed with gratitude
My baby I'm so thankful
I found you

I'm overwhelmed with gratitude
My baby I'm so thankful I found you

Glory Of Love
by Peter Cetera
Tonight it's very clear
As we're both lying here
There's so many things I want to say
I will always love you
I would never leave you alone

Sometimes I just forget
Say things I might regret
It breaks my heart to see you crying
I don't wanna lose you
I could never make it alone

I am a man who will fight for your honor
I'll be the hero you're dreaming of
We'll live forever
Knowing together that we
Did it all for the glory of love
You'll keep me standing tall
You'll help me through it all
I'm always strong when you're beside me
I have always needed you
I could never make it alone

I am a man who will fight for your honor
I'll be the hero you've been dreaming of
We'll live forever
Knowing together that we
Did it all for the glory of love

Just like a knight in shining armor
From a long time ago
Just in time I will save the day
Take you to my castle far away

I am a man who will fight for your honor
I'll be the hero you're dreaming of
We're gonna live forever
Knowing together that we
Did it all for the glory of love

We'll live forever
Knowing together that we
Did it all for the glory of love

We did it all for love
We did it all for love
We did it all for love
We did it all for love
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I have the best boyfriend! :-) [Sep. 10th, 2005|04:23 am]
[mood |hungryhungry]
[music |Escapade( AppleBee's)]

DaBluSchmo: hey baby
DaBluSchmo: whats cookin?
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: I thought you were at your new place with Cheri?
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: Do you still love me?
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: thanks for taking so long to answer me, it's great to know you have to think about it
DaBluSchmo: of course i still love ou
DaBluSchmo: i didn't even get to read what you typed..i'm looking up flight info
DaBluSchmo: nah i'm sleeping over here tonight cause i 've been doing stuff
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: o
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: like what?
DaBluSchmo: figuring stuff wout with alx
DaBluSchmo: what have ou been up to?
DaBluSchmo: honey, how was your day?
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: lol
DaBluSchmo: beacuse honey how was your day turns into a forty five minute f'ing conversation
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: I'm sad
DaBluSchmo: oh
DaBluSchmo: whats sup?
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: you're going to callin w/out me
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: cali*
DaBluSchmo: i want to talk to you about it tomorrw ngiht
DaBluSchmo: that wasn't my choice
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: even though you promised to take me
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: so you're gonna go still, even though I can't go!
DaBluSchmo: i didn't say you can't go
DaBluSchmo: i would want you to go if sam is ok with it
DaBluSchmo: but i wnat to talk to you about it though
DaBluSchmo: coo?
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: you said that wasn't my choice
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: no, don't put it off, you already did before
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: please can we talk now
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: I don't wanna get upset tomorrow night
DaBluSchmo: i need to go to sleep but i want to alk about it tomrorow when we have time
DaBluSchmo: is that cool>
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: when we are supposed to be having fun skating
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: then why didn't you call me?
DaBluSchmo: oh we'll have time before that
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: earlier
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: you should have called when you got online or something, I would have gotten on to talk to you
DaBluSchmo: i needed to figure stuff out with alex and move stuff and pack
DaBluSchmo: what have ou been up to schomey
DaBluSchmo: /
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: then why didn't you call me when you were finished, says you've been on for 56 mins
DaBluSchmo: i had to talk to sam about the flight stuff
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: O K, then why didn't you ask him about me coming?
DaBluSchmo: i didn't?
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: did u
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: i thought u said u need 2 ask him
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: DaBluSchmo: i would want you to go if sam is ok with it
DaBluSchmo: yeah..i still need to talk to you tomorow about it...but c;an we talk about other things before i need to go to sleep soon
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: dude this is fucked up ok, you're hidding this from me and it makes me not wanna see you tomorrow
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: or go skating, I'm in a bad mood now
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: whatever, ignore me
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: you're good at it
DaBluSchmo: baby i need to talk about this all with you tomorow
DaBluSchmo: please?
DaBluSchmo: i thought you were trying to understand and be patient iwth me
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: it's messed up Josh!
DaBluSchmo: i want to be that way with you too
DaBluSchmo: arg
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: and could have told me to my face the other day when you said we needed to talk about it but never did
DaBluSchmo: we just didn't get to it
DaBluSchmo: i actually REALLy DID wnat to talk about it
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: then why didn't we!?
DaBluSchmo: everything is going by so fast this past week or so
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: and why cant we talk about it right now?
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: why are you putting it off?
DaBluSchmo: i don't know
DaBluSchmo: i know we will have time tomorrow to talk about it
DaBluSchmo: oh
DaBluSchmo: k
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: I got the 3 page paper to write, I have to read for my psyc and comp class and have another paper due in my comp class all on Monday
DaBluSchmo: can you work on it tomorrow before i come?
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: I won't be finished though
DaBluSchmo: but you'll get to work on it sunday too :>
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: ok you HAVE to at least give me something
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: you have to tell me why you can't tell me now
DaBluSchmo: what acn't i tell u>
DaBluSchmo: oh beacuse i need to get sleep and its a long discussion
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: about Sam, or about us fighting, or concerns Sam has about us fighting?
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: like give me something so I know to be prepared
DaBluSchmo: its about all of that i guess...
DaBluSchmo: but there is apositive side to it too
DaBluSchmo: so its not really a negative thing
DaBluSchmo: its more like i want to understand you more
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: so Sam is concerned because of last time?
DaBluSchmo: nah
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: really? well that makes me feel real good
DaBluSchmo: i'm concerned...but i want to talk to you so i'm not
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: ok we can talk about other stuff now
DaBluSchmo: oh ok..i have to go to sleeep very soon
DaBluSchmo: so whate have you been up to>?
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: nothing
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: brb
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: back
DaBluSchmo: oh aight so whats been going on
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: I said nothing
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: watched tv
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: this was my first time on aim
DaBluSchmo: alex herrity and i were talkikng about the chris rock show tonight
DaBluSchmo: i'm actually into the idea of watching that with you! :>
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: ya
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: The premeire is 2 days after my b-day
DaBluSchmo: oh yeah?
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: ya lol
DaBluSchmo: well your bday is gonna be friggin nutz yall
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: LOL
DaBluSchmo: i want you to feel so loved...
DaBluSchmo: and never have to fight with me bout that ever
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: awww
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: wow, you're , there's like no words, but knowing that you want me to feel very happy and loved makes me feel loved and cared for
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: but the b-day thing I'm sure would help a lot too lol
DaBluSchmo: dude i'm glad you understand how i feel about you...~!!!! er duh :>
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: lol
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: I knew there was something specail inside of you all along
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: that didn't come out right
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: ummm
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: well I knew you always really loved me
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: but I want you to be more mushy, expressive, emotional and like share your thoughts with me.
DaBluSchmo: i try....but its really hard when you are fighting back at me like wet cat!!
DaBluSchmo: errr erre
DaBluSchmo: or a disgruntled seal haha
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: lol
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: but like I wanna know what you think, like even as we are talking or about a situation, even if it's unpleasant. I don't want to not know anything, like I wanna know exactally how you feel and what you're really thinking and I want you to feel self compelled to tell me your thoughts, dreams, aspirations,hopes, wants, fears, interest, passions,oppions,how you feel about me, I dunno, a billion different things, I want you to be very opened so it makes all this honesty come out so we can be closer.
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: I know it sounds cheezy, but I jus wanna share everything with you, I feel that's a huge step but one that would make me feel fullfilled and happier with you and us as a couple
DaBluSchmo: yo have to know that i am open with you....so i'll be a lil more open but don't think that i'm not hopen now k?
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: but you don't really talk about the things I mentioned and I think you're afraid to tell me what you really think and feel
DaBluSchmo: don't worry i will try to be more expressive
DaBluSchmo: but for now i have to go to sleep k
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: or think it's implied so therefore not nessessary, but you can say one thing that could make my day
DaBluSchmo: was that the one thing though before ahha?
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: hmm?
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: o ya
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: that was a good example, yes and there's been other times
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: like when said you mean the world to me
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: I can't think of other stuff off the top of my head, but you've told me things about how you feel about me that sorta shocked me, but in a good way
DaBluSchmo: do you rmember any?
DaBluSchmo: i got get of in a minute or two
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: yes, we will have to learn on being a lot more expressive because that'd make me feel so good and happy and
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: feel more like boyfriend and girlfriend
DaBluSchmo: that will be on my to do list hten ;>
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: umm you've said well this was before we were together, but like umm you took our friendship as serious as a marriage, which to most people might think it's an insult because of the high percentage of divorce but I know how seriously you take it and saying I'm your life partner and that I'm very intersting
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: lol
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: umm like small things, and the pet names and jus remembering stuff. I'll like point it out when you do it next
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: I hope that one day you can write me a small book full of poems, some romatic, some about nature, maybe even like a small story poem thingy. OOO and I have an idea for us to do
DaBluSchmo: whats the idae?

FrOsTyFoX36C3036: remember the notebook I bought at the rite aid, with the heart and hearts on the inside cover and pages?
DaBluSchmo: yup
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: lol change font much lol
DaBluSchmo: haha yeah
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: well I want us to write expressive stuff in there, and love notes and cute stuff, and do those uhh I write something, you write something like open ended run on sentence story thing and other stuff like that
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: and some of it we could put in our scrap book
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: and now we have some pics but we should get more
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: and we should buy our own scrap book and get real artsy and creative with it
DaBluSchmo: yeah we should definitely do that stuff
DaBluSchmo: i have to go to sleep now k?
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: all of this would make me happier and feel more complete and closer to you.
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: well before you go off to nappy land
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: how do you feel now and about my sujestion?
DaBluSchmo: the expressing emotion sugestion?
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: uh well that we can talk later about
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: I was thinking about the book and creative ideas/scrap book thingy
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: all that I jus had last said
DaBluSchmo: ahh can we talk later abou ti>

FrOsTyFoX36C3036: yes, mos def
DaBluSchmo: awesome
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: sorry I was panicy before
DaBluSchmo: welli am off...so we'll just chill tmororw instead of going ot the party and,,,
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: I love you baby
DaBluSchmo: i'll call you when i'm getting close t your house aight?

DaBluSchmo: i love you too peace baby
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: sure
DaBluSchmo: gnight
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: gnight baby, love ya thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiissssssssssss MUCH
DaBluSchmo signed off at 2:24:30 AM.
link6 comments|post comment

Conjumbled ims :-) MY WORD LOL :-) [Sep. 2nd, 2005|02:45 am]
[mood |nauseatedemotional tie to stomach]
[music |I get knocked down but I get up again (pissn da night away)]

Tonight in sequence

FrOsTyFoX36C3036: did I tell you Josh moved in with another girl tonight? well he signed the lease
ScorpioAngel1384: ... uh no
ScorpioAngel1384: thats kinda jacked up
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: and he thinks it's ok
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: cuz they're "friends" and he loves me and doesn't like her.
ScorpioAngel1384: thats fucked up
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: can you please tell him
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: that
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: can you call him
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: (215)499-6823
ScorpioAngel1384: if i call him theo is ganna be pissed
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: o he's there
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: great
ScorpioAngel1384: yea if he gets on i could tell him or text him
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: he's coming home
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: said he'd call me soon but I jus wanna strangle him to death
ScorpioAngel1384: yea thats not cool at all
ScorpioAngel1384: id beat his ass
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: I tried not to care, but like he was hanging out with her, I got mad, his phone was on silent, I called hers and she was ok but then I called again after I hung up on him and she yelled at me, I jus felt like they were fucking in front of my face.
ScorpioAngel1384: why did she yell at u?
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: I'm jus so pissed off, I mean he cheated one me, and then fucking moves in with this bitch, I mean he'll be in house own room, but they live in the same house and will eat dinner and shyt together
ScorpioAngel1384: you have every right to be pissed about it
ScorpioAngel1384: thats just fuckin stupid on his part
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: and I was yelling at him, then my sis was being a bitch, then my dad comes downstairs and yells at me for waking him and I'm like wtf, I'm like it's all about you and he's like ya when I don't get my sleep it is and I'm like so you don't care that I am upset and I think he thought that I said why and he said you're fighting with Josh, you're always upset with him, like who da fuck cares kinda voice and went back upstairs.
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: I jus wish I never fucking met him
ScorpioAngel1384: you dont wish that your just mad and he is being a dumbass
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: yes I do, all he has ever done is caused me insane pain
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: like no one else
ScorpioAngel1384: in my opinion thats worth breakin up over fer real
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: He's calling, I don't want him to
ScorpioAngel1384: so dont answer
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: I answered and he said I jus wanted to tell you something, so I told him that you think he's a dumb ass and fucking stupid too and he agreed and laughed and then I cut him off and told him that, jus remember when you're lying in bed tonight I could have been there with you and hung up on him
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: he called again right after I hung up on his sorry ass
ScorpioAngel1384: what an idiot
ScorpioAngel1384: just be like your fucking up the best thing u ever had
ScorpioAngel1384: for some girl you say you dont even like
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: have you heard of Cherri?
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: they've known each other for a few years now
ScorpioAngel1384: never heard of her
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: they sorta used to live together. He moved into an apartment and one of his guy friends was friends with them and they got evicted so they lived there for several months
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: I knew about this for a lil bit, and I knew it was a possibility and I was mad before but now I jus don't think he's worth having. He's a joke and worth nothing.
ScorpioAngel1384: man im mad about it an im not even involved lol
ScorpioAngel1384: like what would posses him to even wanna move in with another girl
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: I mean I know I got emotional issues but at least at my young age I am trying to make myself the best me inside. He's like we're always fighting and even though I got my problems, he is fucked up, ok and I don't get upset like this with anyone else. Josh brings out all my emotions.
ScorpioAngel1384: yea i know what u mean
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: oooo he kinda didn't have a whole lot of a choice
ScorpioAngel1384: its shit they do makes up crazy emotional
ScorpioAngel1384: how did he not have a choice?
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: 3 roomates moved out and the one dude's father( the owner) decided to sell the house.
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: so he needed to find a place real quick
ScorpioAngel1384: naw u stay with one of yer boys before u move in with some girl
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: he e-mailed a lot of people, saw some places but didn't get anyone
ScorpioAngel1384: its still fucked up so if u know he had to why u flippin?
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: ya Josh doesn't really have many friends. I'm the closest to him and his old friends, he tried to make plans with them but they couldn't afford it and had other plans and his other friends that he doesn't know too well outside of dancing aren't looking for a place.
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: cuz he had like 2 months to find a place
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: and gave up and lived with them
ScorpioAngel1384: o if he had time then he didnt have to
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: and like I said he cheated on mah ass before so with him I am insecure and I am like the only "girl" friend he ever had, and I don't want him to be close friends with anyone else. I'm jus scared and I don't want those bitches to take my time with my man
ScorpioAngel1384: well if yer that insicure that u dont even want him to have close friends thats not good
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: my life and him have made me that way. ya I am afraid that they'll be more interesting then me, and take my time away with him. He made me feel that way cuz of Liv and how she is supposidly all smart and political and shyt
ScorpioAngel1384: ye ai feel that way to somtimes
ScorpioAngel1384: i got an early class though so imma go to bed
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: and I didn't get why what happened, but still I don't trust what I know now, you know? I do, but I don't. like I will most of the time untill something trigers it
ScorpioAngel1384: yea
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: or like if we have a fight, is he gonna confind into them, or will they try to turn him against me, or worse he'll meet someone that makes him see that I am not good for him, like that makes him happier or finds someone that's on the same level and is perfect for him, like has everything in common and they click better than us. Jus when I think things were suddenly going back 2 the way they were before the bitch stuck her buliemic ass into our situation and now I gotta deal wit dis
ScorpioAngel1384: :-\
ScorpioAngel1384: i really gatta bounce but i do wanna talk about this!!!
ScorpioAngel1384: hopefully ill be on tomorrow aight
ScorpioAngel1384 signed off at 12:36:44 AM.
ScorpioAngel1384 signed on at 1:14:13 AM.
ScorpioAngel1384 is away at 1:15:19 AM.
DaBluSchmo: hey i was thinkin about you today and i got you silk soy milk
DaBluSchmo: vanilla of course!
DaBluSchmo: :>
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: good, you spent it on yourself cuz I won't be there to drink it
DaBluSchmo: i was thinking what do i need....eggs...oh i'll check for that...soy milk yeah yeah
DaBluSchmo: cause i like to cater to youuuu
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: dude, nothing will be the same between us, and this isn't gonna change anything ok cuz you're living with her for a year
DaBluSchmo: but we are talking about cherri....a friend , you know :>
DaBluSchmo: i'm not angry you i hope you know that
DaBluSchmo: i'm angry at myself
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: y
DaBluSchmo: i want you to be the happiest person you can be....i don't really want anything else
DaBluSchmo: all i want is you!
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: cuz you're fucked up and stupid in the head!? I jus can't deal with this. You always give me drama I can't deal with and I was so happy with you the past few nights cuz you were being silly and making me laugh and we haven't been like that since before the tragedy
DaBluSchmo: i don't need video games...or other crap
DaBluSchmo: all i want is
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: you're playing around, you're not upset
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: I hate that
DaBluSchmo: my dream is for you to be really happy...
DaBluSchmo: i am reall upset at myself
DaBluSchmo: i had so much fun ojn the phone talking to you last night
DaBluSchmo: i almost just typed i had so much phone on the fun
DaBluSchmo: :-D
DaBluSchmo: and tonight i was thinking about the fun i had on the phone with you
DaBluSchmo: and i was like dammmnnnn...i could really only have that much fun on the phone with frosty fox
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: ok then that shoulda clicked to you and made ya call mah ass
DaBluSchmo: only we know each other that inside and out to be joking around lke that
DaBluSchmo: and i know that i really only want you!
DaBluSchmo: other girls are not intersting enough...THEY AREN"T YOU, BABY!
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: ya I'm drama queen centeral, why go rent a blockbuster when you can rent a Trisha
DaBluSchmo: like how you are so interested in wanting to learn about so many things...go to zoos,museums,parks and do all kinds of crazy stuff
DaBluSchmo: is that the new blockbuster ad?
DaBluSchmo: ohhh i have another idea for your birthday...
DaBluSchmo: damn
DaBluSchmo: there is so much to choose from
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: created by yours truly
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: funny very cute and funny
DaBluSchmo: f its not fair
DaBluSchmo: i'm gonna ask off for sat the twenty fourth?
DaBluSchmo: can we celebrate your birthday then...other days too of course!
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: if that's what you want
DaBluSchmo: i added tha tlast part cause i knew if i didn't say it you would have said it
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: haha sure
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: LOL
DaBluSchmo: i really want to see you in those jeans i got you!
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: hahaha you wanna see your money on me
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: when r u going to sleep?
DaBluSchmo: hahha not exactly like that no...i like those jeans alot actually
DaBluSchmo: ahhh i was gonna go to sleep soon but i was more focused on talkikng to you
DaBluSchmo: yeah thats so crazy that you fit into those nine tens
DaBluSchmo: man you should come out with your own tape
DaBluSchmo: with your own show damn
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: LO L
DaBluSchmo: O:-)
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: but the jeans aren't TOO comfortable on me, but they will be in a month I'd say. They are tight so it's not too flattering to my stomach, but my ass is hot in them
DaBluSchmo: but my ass is hot in them
DaBluSchmo: hahhaah
DaBluSchmo: yeah that is so true!
DaBluSchmo: i want to get a memory refresher though;-)
DaBluSchmo: i'm so glad i bought those for you!
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: haha
DaBluSchmo: and i am so looking forward to seeing you tomorrow night
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: well I was sad though cuz you scared me so much and you weren't happy
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: and now you don't have money to buy me anything
DaBluSchmo: i can still buy you more things..
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: I shouldn't have gotten those, I am greedy and will want stuff on my b-day
DaBluSchmo: it'll be alright...
DaBluSchmo: i have several hundred dollars
DaBluSchmo: i mean i want to do fun memorable things with you ...and i will get you at least one big thing.... along with other things
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: I mean I ain't no gold digga but I dunno, it's jus sweet if a man will show his apperication to his lady, but yet, I no I'm no prize. we fight and I don't deserve you or anything from you
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: haha k
DaBluSchmo: you are a prize!
DaBluSchmo: DaBluSchmo: other girls are not intersting enough...THEY AREN"T YOU, BABY!
DaBluSchmo: only you would be so interested in all the things you are....and be so multidimensional
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: what cuz I can yell, cry, scream and bitch the loudest?
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: how am I multidimensional?
DaBluSchmo: you have such a thirst for learning that you always want to learn...like how now you really want to learn more about sociopolitical stuff...and want to get real active in that stuff i'm into...but yet at the same time..
DaBluSchmo: you are really into your own wellness interest....very passionate about that :>....and then you are into psychology..., you are even into art!
DaBluSchmo: and i love the quirky things about you too...how you love shiny, colorful things
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: lol go on
DaBluSchmo: hahahhahaha
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: get everything out
DaBluSchmo: wow you know how to put a man on the spot don't you ;-)
DaBluSchmo: i love how we can get into the same kind of music but also expose each other to diferent stuff..:>
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: seemed like you were on a role but I have so many more interest than you listed
DaBluSchmo: how are you are so open minded about everything, about the entire universe
DaBluSchmo: i love you are into fantasy and all that...and are really creative and imaginative
DaBluSchmo: and how you want to colloborate with me on projects :>
DaBluSchmo: i love you find little games to play with each other sometimes...like thumb wrestling or word games where i'll say a word then you say a word
DaBluSchmo: there was this couple at applebee's thumb wrestling and it reminded me of us
DaBluSchmo: how we are silly with each like that
DaBluSchmo: i love how you got into photography with me...
DaBluSchmo: i think i could go on forever!
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: ya I remember one night we started that game like by accident( the word game) and it had like no rules either, lol, jus back n forth
DaBluSchmo: hahaahah
DaBluSchmo: yeah yeah i love that
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: right now I am trying to find out what anxiety disorder I have
DaBluSchmo: oh yeah then we played tha tother game...mouthing ig uess?
DaBluSchmo: what would you call that
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: so I can get treated ASAP
DaBluSchmo: oh you think you have an anxiety disorder?
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: OMG dude yes! THAT WAS SO MUCH FUN!
DaBluSchmo: you have been having a lot of anxiety lately?
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: no I know I do, I've known for a long time, it's jus become more apparent lately with the way I've been treating you.
DaBluSchmo: oh?
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: dude, my whole life have been extreme anxiety and I want it to disapate
DaBluSchmo: hmmm
DaBluSchmo: i want to try some exercises with you...
DaBluSchmo: or i wouldn't call them exercises with you...
DaBluSchmo: but i want to try some new ways of being....
DaBluSchmo: of relaxing ...
DaBluSchmo: i don't know...just been thinking about trying to really take time out each day to actually relax
DaBluSchmo: like mediate ,,,but i want to try this with you
DaBluSchmo: can we try that?
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: ya I wish I knew how to do that, you used to be the only person that could calm me down and now it's pretty much the opposite or after it becomes the opposite it takes a while to get back to the same, lol.
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: eww like gym, no
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: I wanna do massaging
DaBluSchmo: like gym?
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: and looking deeply into each others eyes, intamate, emotional and relaxing
DaBluSchmo: yeah thats what i mean :>
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: no meditating, I dunno about that, I don't wanna be quiet with you
DaBluSchmo: mediating in our own way i mean...ya know?
DaBluSchmo: like looking into each others eyes
DaBluSchmo: and just sitting there and massaging each other gently
DaBluSchmo: i would really love that
DaBluSchmo: i was actually thinking about last night how i really want to do that
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: I wish you could come home and jus hold me right now
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: I'm so sorry baby
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: I need help and I want to help myself and I want you to continue to make me laugh and we'll get back to the way we were when we first knew each other only it'll be much better cuz we've gone thru everything together no matter HOW hard and rough and painful and I know we can go thru anything and I know we can pull thru and be happy and spend the rest of our lives together
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: so I can take care of u at 75
DaBluSchmo: hahah yes yes
DaBluSchmo: i'm actually gonna go to sleep too wanting to hold you.,...
DaBluSchmo: so what time am i picking you up tomorow?
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: your choice
DaBluSchmo: come on the earliest train tha ti can pick u up on
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: uh 5:04?
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: let me check
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: I need 2 find out when I am coming home too
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: cuz I got class Tuesday and 9:30
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: at*
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: ya ya I'm right, that's it
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: 5:04
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: be there at 5:56
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: 28+28 is 56
DaBluSchmo signed off at 1:21:27 AM.
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: I dunno if u were talking to Josh but his internet connection went down
byu loves yoU: oh
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: that's why he signed off outta nowhere
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: sometimes the aim jus dosen't work
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: I am pretty sure I have generalized anxiety disorder among others. I am researching those kind of disorders and also mood diorders I think too. I know my life has been emotional torture but I don't fall under PTSD cuz I didn't witness anything violent or whatever.
byu loves yoU: oh
byu loves yoU: so are you gonna get some kind of help for it?
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: well I am taking this self help class called Psych of personal awarness and that teacher( for whom I've know since I started bucks about a year and a half ago or so) he is also a theropist so I hope I can get him to help me, in class by learning and asking questions and then at the end of the semester trying to see if I can make an apointment with him, he jus would have to be covered with my moms plan.
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: I know it's a lot more than jus GAD because it doesn't say anything about a tramatic life or emotions and controling them, yet they do talk about irratablity which I have, stronger at certain times and brought out by certian people, things or situations
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: "The essential characteristic of Generalized Anxiety Disorder is excessive uncontrollable worry about everyday things."
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: I think I also have social anxiety disorder, it's about acceptance, I like people, like I would have talked to Josh when he was in 7th grade but I wouldn't go up to people cuz of how cruel people were to me. and my family, ahh, I mean, all I know is I gotta confront this and do what I need to do to manage or try to cure it
byu loves yoU: i see
byu loves yoU: i think you have that thing where you think you have every disorder
byu loves yoU: i forget what thats called
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: dude there's hotlines. one is 1-888-anxiety ( National institue of Mental Health). I could tell you everything but it would make me more upset and I guess bore you.
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: if you knew what I've been thru and how rough I've had it, you'd know that it's more than me being moody or whatever
byu loves yoU: well i do think you are emotionally unstable but i dont think its healthy to diagnose yourself with disorders... especially since peoples normal reaction to labelling is to act the role of the label
byu loves yoU: it might make you worse
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: hypocondrac? like thinks they are always sick, like make it up in their head, that's what you're thinking of
byu loves yoU: yeah that thing
byu loves yoU: i think alex herrity and susan are kinda like that
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: o ya well I jus wanna learn about it. I looked at a lot of sites and wasn't too sure and then found one and I'm like I'm like that! I jus want to find what it is, but I know it's a bunch of different disorders intertwind and I need to get a hold of it and control and manage it so I can be happy. Josh wants me to be happy, and I am, but like the contstant worrying and how much stress, pain and suffering I put myself thru makes life not enjoyable a lot of the time, a lot more than what I want
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: ya I think Alex is like that, but I don't know Susan real well but I'd guess she is too
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: from what I've witness
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: ed
byu loves yoU: well anyway
byu loves yoU: you gotta remember disorders are just medical labels to symptoms
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: I jus want to educate myself, I mean I know me real well and I know how I feel and what has happened to myself to get me there, I jus wanna go to theroapy to help heal myself so I can move on
byu loves yoU: so you cant really have a disorder... but they can take your symptoms and say "oh that sounds like this"
byu loves yoU: its not like an infection where its an actual physical problem
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: I know thousands of people are misdiagnous every single day, but like I am very analictical and I knew what my problems were so I was looking for info on what I already know what my symtoms are, but I know I have multiple disorders.
byu loves yoU: you dont HAVE disorders
byu loves yoU: disorders are labels to symptoms
byu loves yoU: you have symtoms
byu loves yoU: your symptoms maybe fall into the description of multiple disorders
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: ya I know what you're saying, I mean they did say that one thing could stem from something else, but like it's jus more classified. I wonder if they have a name for what I've gone thru, lol. ahh I jus want theroapy and Josh and I are gonna do relaxing technices and like stuff that's intamate so that I can be calm and enjoy myself.
byu loves yoU: but remember that disorders dont exist... they're medical creations to describe things
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: yes yes I totally agree with you on that
byu loves yoU: ok good im glad you realize that then
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: jus wasn't putting it in the words you said, but yes that is true
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: ya it was taking me a while to write that, sorry
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: my stomach hurts and I think I should go to sleep
byu loves yoU: ok - gnight
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: another symtom of mine I am gonna get thru dis. Oh and I've lost 46 lbs now
byu loves yoU: thats good
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: I still think I wanna lose 30-36 lbs but people tell me 25 at the most. I dunno, I jus don't want this gut on me, I wanna be healthy, feel good and get toned, it'd be so much easier to try break dancing then, but it's hard and uncomfortable with big thighs. I want space between them. ah, well, lol, I won't go on and on. I'll talk to you soon.
byu loves yoU signed off at 2:30:42 AM.
byu loves yoU signed on at 2:31:32 AM.
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: ya going to sleep now?
byu loves yoU: nope
byu loves yoU: you're not?
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: I will, I am gonna post some ims in my lj in a minute and then go
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: I don't have school on Fridays YES!
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: I didn't even plan it that way, I thought my classes were mon, wed, and fridays, but jus the first two and then I have one at 9:30-10:45 on T/TH, so this will give me a lot of time to work, if I get a job at Genardis or somewhere.
IM from the night before____
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: you're a bad manatee lover!
DaBluSchmo: hey :> i just have to say bye to alx cause i was signed on before!
DaBluSchmo: nah i'm a good manatee schmo :> i love you
DaBluSchmo: :>
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: I'm jus playin wit cha baby, get your rest and I'll get mine real soon. Hope 2 c u Friday night. Love ya, with all my heart
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: btw I saw Max today. It felt great! Hopefully we'll all "chill" soon, lol
DaBluSchmo: was he happy to see you?>
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: ya and I like was so excited, I had this huge smile on my face and flalled my arms and kinda jumped up and down, like ya know what I mean, I'll show you, and we were happy, gave him and hug, we talked, he was tired.
DaBluSchmo: was he all furry up on yall azz\
DaBluSchmo: haha he was tired
DaBluSchmo: wow i didn't see that one coming...pleazzz
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: then like he saw another girl, talked to her, came back to me, and said he'd meet me back there after he gets school supplies and I said I might not be there and he gave me a high five thingy and then I saw him on my way to my Soc class.
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: they need to make a smiley wond that roles it's eyes, they have 1 on yahoo
DaBluSchmo: hahahah
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: dude, furry up mah ass, lol. that's not a good picture
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: lol ahh
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: not really, but it's hard, I don't like pay attention to that when I am all over the place like I was today but his hair grew back in and I was happy, I didn't say anything, it's the astetic side of me, lil superfical but all heart,lol
DaBluSchmo: hahaha you're into the beauty of people
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: we'll I try to find the beauty and good in everybody, but with you, it comes easy
DaBluSchmo: ahhah so sweet....
DaBluSchmo: trying to get on my good side and s heot...its working though ;>
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: me
DaBluSchmo: hahah those are some crazy smiles!
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: ya I knwo, ya say dat
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: ooo remind me to change your ring 4 me on Friday. I dunno why I thought that jus now. My head hurts
DaBluSchmo: oh ok i will...aight i'm getting off i love ya i'll call you tomororw peace
DaBluSchmo: ?
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: you weren't sweet enough wit your good bye to me
DaBluSchmo: :<
DaBluSchmo: trish
DaBluSchmo: i'e had a lot of fun talking to you tonight
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: jus say something sweet and I'll be giddy as a horse on a merry go round lol
DaBluSchmo: i love you and miss you so much schmo manatee fox girl
DaBluSchmo: and hope to have fun phone times iwth you til the end of the univeser!
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: I am so saving that and putting it in my LJ lol
DaBluSchmo: haha awesome....
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: that's so sweet, me too baby I love ya. Get some good sleep, dream of me baby and us, laughing , cuddling and being real happy together sweet dreams baby
DaBluSchmo: love ya pish trish!@
DaBluSchmo: :-*
DaBluSchmo signed off at 11:44:40 PM.
Earlier today _______
KDareW2505: he is just stupid
KDareW2505: he was like i dont want any drama
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: well what makes u wanna stay with him?
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: cuz you've known him so long?
KDareW2505: cuz i do love him,. i wanna be a family
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: but do you believe things will change?
KDareW2505: i dont know
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: how long have you guys been having problems like this?
KDareW2505: off and on forever
KDareW2505: not exactly like this
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: but you guys were happy once?
KDareW2505: yea
KDareW2505: we are happy then we fight
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: well, I mean did something big happen sometime and that's why you fight. Like things were perfect with Josh and I till the insane iliterte devil bitch came along and messed with mah man.
KDareW2505: yea he cheated on me with andrea
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: but the past few days Josh has changed, came outta no where and he is veing silly and funny and I am so happy. Him acting that way makes me the happiest, jus it's kinda werid cuz we fought big recently and after that I think he used it as a coping stragedy for him and to make me feel better too and now it's staying like that and we're getting along.
KDareW2505: yea
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: Well you know the story with Josh, he jus kissed her on the lips, but if they had mad love( thank god they didn't) but if they did I'd have to understand cuz I have with other guys too, but still to this day, Josh has only made love to me, which is like a fairy tale kinda thing, but I mean, well we went thru our stuff and I am grateful we go thru everything together and we're still together and real happy like before, so you have to figure out for yourself if Ted is worth it. If you feel he truly loves you and he'll change and compramise and do what he needs to do, well both of you, to work together to make it work, then try to make it work but don't let him walk all over your ass. He does it cuz you let him. He's like o well she'll take me back so ........ I mean don't you think so. All I know is Josh said you need to figure things out for
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: yourself. I have my ideas but it's your life, and Josh and I don't really know you guys personally, so you need to do what you feel is right and what feels best in your heart. Don't regret what you do in life, I mean you can waste so much precious time, ya know?
KDareW2505: yea
KDareW2505: i just dont know
KDareW2505: things are so fucked up and i knwo its not all him but
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: it's jus so difficult in your case cuz you can't escape him because you have his, well both yours son, I can't speak today, lol
KDareW2505: thats ok lol
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: ya, for me it's the other way around I know most of it is about me, stuff I need to fix about myself but it's not always me, he can blame me at times and then realize he was being a jerk and he can do stuff every once in a while that really upsets me so I dunno, but I am working on me. I am taking this psych class called personal awarness and it's gonna help me with everything and then after I am gonna go to theropy with the teacher, he's a theropist and teacher.
KDareW2505: thats good, i think me and theo need to see a theropist together
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: I wouldn't even concintrate on the relationship as much as yourself. like I said I can't judge you, but you need to respect yourself, love yourself and not let him treat you like crap, and if there's things you wanna change about yourself, how you act or whatever, try and figure out ways to do that, or theropy is good too.
KDareW2505: yea
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: If you're thinking about theroapy with Theo, you might wanna start off it jus being you and the theropist, let them know your history, let them know your problems and then let him in with your sessions, and or do that and also let Theo see the theropist privately and then come together. Would Theo ever do anything like that?
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: would he open up ?
KDareW2505: i think he would
KDareW2505: well im ganna catch a nap b4 i go to class
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: ok kool you're going to school again
KDareW2505: yea
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: well I hope everything works out for the best and I'll always been here to listen and try to give you the best advice I can.
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: I hope I made you feel better or something.
KDareW2505: u did thanks
KDareW2505: u should go to school to be a theropist lol
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: awww that's like the nicest compliment I've gotten in a while, you're the first to say that, well pretty much
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: have fun. I'll talk to you soon.
KDareW2505: lol
KDareW2505: peace
FrOsTyFoX36C3036: peace gurl
KDareW2505 signed off at 2:49:45 PM.

BTW Josh's aim shut down, that's why he didn't talk sweet to me on there, like he usually does when he says good bye. KC I hope you feel good right now and that things will work out :-) Josh I love you baby and me and you will figure out how to help me thru my disorders. When I start theroapy after the semester ends( even though it jus started) hopefully then I'll be able to have my teacher be my theropist and you could come on some of the visits, since ya know me inside out:-) We go together like PEAS AND CARROTS! RUN FOREST RUN!!! LOL well if it's you, run gracefully into my arms, don't want ya to stumble over 1 of your dirty shoelaces and fall or sumtin lol. Love ya'll. Peace and thanks for hearing me out, reading me out? seeing me out??????? :-) LOL
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On the Radio [Jul. 22nd, 2005|03:42 am]
[mood |lovedwarm tingly feeling(serene)]
[music |Taylor Dayne I'll always love you :-) Josh]

Taylor Dayne - I'll always Love you
Oooo... Ahh.....

I'll Always love you for the rest of my days
You have won my heart and my soul with your sweet sexy ways
You gave me hope when I needed someone near
You bring me happiness ev'ry day of ev'ry year

And I'll Always love you for all that you are
You have made my life complete, you're my lucky star
You are the one that I've been searching for
You are my ev'rything. Tell me, who could ask for more?

And I'll Always love you
Honey, this will never end
I need you by my side, baby
You're my lover, my friend, oh, my friend


You gave my world a thrill I've never known
And filled my eager heart with a love to call my own.

And I'll Always love you
You must know how much I do
You can count on me forever
And I will take good care of you

I'll Always love you.
Oh I'm so happy that you're mine
I'll Always Love you
Until the end of time

Oooh... Ahh...
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah...Oh yea oh yea
hah hah ho ahhhhh ahhh oh yea oh yea .......fades
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Depressed lil mo fo [Jun. 15th, 2005|01:49 am]
[mood |indescribableindescribable]
[music |Bitch Meridth Brooks(everything I am 2 Josh)]

I could go on and on about this, but in the moment I don't think I can. I feel like crap on and off. I talked to Josh about me and our relationship and how I feel about myself and how I think I have a hormonal or chemically/some sort of physical imbalance and it's scaring me and I think I need help and I was talking to him about it to try and figure out what's bothering me or what's wrong with me and how I should fix it. I did ask him if his mom could help me with finding a good theropist for me and Josh said he'd help me out with that. what sucked is I talked about my depression and Josh took it personal but didn't come right out and say it but when I asked he kept saying he felt werid about it and didn't know why. Made me feel more like crap, even like I dunno, ya know jus talking bout being depressed makes you feel more depressed even if you weren't in the first place you can talk about being depressed a couple days or weeks ago and it'll bring it back to you but it needs to be talk about so you can figure out what's the problem so you can fix it. I figure if I get the right theropist for me and be completely honest and opened minded and try my hardest to not be very defensive, or feel like I need to prove myself to them about me or my friends or what goes on then they could help me by asking the right questions so I get the right answers and it'll lead me on the way to personal happines. I told Josh tonight that umm based on him thinking I look like I am about 160 that if I got down to 142 I'd look close to 120 or to other people whom think I weigh less under 120, I said even if I was around that weight and felt great about being toned and fit and looking like a femine athletic type build/dancerish type body( with large breast, cuz they won't go away) I'd still feel this way because I feel this is in my body and isn't too controlable but on the other hand I have been messing with my birth control patches for the past few months and that messes with my hormones so that might have to do with that, like A WHOLE LOT! but I've had problems with depression on and off my whole life from elementary school till now and I level off, so I dunno man. What hurts the most is Josh has delt with depression I think most of his life too and he knows me better than anyone else, and the same with me knowing him and when I was talking to him he had hardly anything to say, that's what he said, that he didn't KNOW what to say. This is the man that his friends with call or im him online ( even if they aren't that close or hang out with him when they are right around the corner, caugh caugh LIV!) and he'll helped them out and talk it out with them. I said to Josh that I thought maybe it'd be better if I talked to someone else about this initially and gather my thoughts up and then talk to him about it because I feel he is talking it too personally and he said that he wanted to talk to me about it but then really didn't say anything about it which jus really depresses me cuz I remember one time last fall Liv called him while Josh and I were talking online and Josh said he had to go and he'd be right back so then it was like an hour or so and he never told me that Liv called him. I was so fucking hurt because it was MY time to talk to him and she took it away from me. Josh told me he didn't tell me at first, at first he was going to do something and be back but Liv called and he thought I'd get upset if he told me that she called. She called him because she was depressed and she knew that he could help her out and listen. Josh told me that he didn't even wanna listen to her, she was boring him at points I think and he wanted to talk to me but not be rude, I think she talked about other stuff other than the depression, not sure if it was before or after she started talking bout her depression or both and I forget how they got off the phone, but like I know Josh talks to Alex and I think even KC at times and it's like alright so you need to be there for me too like this. We tell each other everything. I got off the phone with Josh tonight cuz I was way too depressed to go on talking to him with him not knowing what to say. He called me back, left a message saying he's tired and to call him back and then he called me six minutes later( I had my phone one silent ever since I guess 4:30. I haven't called him back but I guess I will now. I jus don't feel loved even though I know he loves me. I feel that I am a pain in the neck, I don't get it, but I think it has to do with him taking it too personally. THIS JUS IN. Josh jus called me a second ago(1:29 am) and he said he was sorry about before that he felt werid and all. I said I'd call him back and that I was writing about him on my LJ tonight. It's ironic. I didn't feel the energy to write a response to Josh's LJ tonight and I try my hardest to never write anything on my LJ that's upsetting or would upset anyone I care about but I somehow felt compelled. It must have to do with me feeling like I have a lot to say even though I feel I didn't go into detail about this, lol. Definitely not the detail that I went into with Josh. Hope this doesn't upset him. Glad I wrote it and I hope it doesn't bother me when I read my post later, I got issues with being real emotional and reading or remembering something in the past and getting very heated, upset, sad , angry or whatever about it. I dunno. Hopefully I'll have more positive things to write about in here soon. Saturday Josh and I will go rollar skating! YA! and guess what!? Destiny's Child said they are splitting up for good to do their own personal life goals and solo careers, said they have been together since they were 9 and performing since they were 14 and that this new tour they are on for their last cd would be good way to leave on a high note, jus annouced this I think on the 13th. AND GUESS WHAT! JOSH AND I ARE GOING TO THEIR LAST SHOW ON AUGUST 5th AT THE WATCHOVIA CENTER! AND EVEN BETTER JOSH SAID HE WAS ACTUALLY EXCITED ABOUT IT AND EVEN MORE AWESOMER WE HAVE FRIGGIN FLOOR SEATS! HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE!
hope to get comments
please be as blunt and open as possible.
oh and KC since you don't know this, Josh and I are back together, we got back together later that night:-) but we need to work on stuff, long story but I'm not sure if I wanna talk about it, real personal and stuff, but it's all good, not sure it'd even interst ya.
Aight, get to typin :-)
your gurl wit dat Ghetto southern slang
Glittery Rainbow Frosty Fox
see what I be saying, how am I hyper now?
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I jus have to laugh at people that are so petty. [Jun. 4th, 2005|10:42 pm]
[mood |moodymoody]

FrOsTyFoX36C3036 [10:12 PM]: hello>
FrOsTyFoX36C3036 [10:12 PM]: ?
emoocowpunks [10:13 PM]: youre fat go away
emoocowpunks [10:13 PM]: youre not sublime
FrOsTyFoX36C3036 [10:15 PM]: who is this?
FrOsTyFoX36C3036 [10:15 PM]: Is this Liv?
FrOsTyFoX36C3036 [10:16 PM]: hey if you're gonna call me fat, don't hide behind your computer and not tell me who you are
emoocowpunks [10:17 PM]: you dont deserve courtesy
emoocowpunks [10:17 PM]: of any kind
FrOsTyFoX36C3036 [10:17 PM]: how is that courtesy?
FrOsTyFoX36C3036 [10:17 PM]: this has to be Liv because she told Andy that Josh doesn't deserve to know why she is mad at him
FrOsTyFoX36C3036 [10:18 PM]: that's messed up, you can talk shyt but not explain shyt or even say who you are
emoocowpunks [10:18 PM]: `i can do whatever i want
FrOsTyFoX36C3036 [10:18 PM]: you sound like a baby and you're having a baby, I'm scared for your child
FrOsTyFoX36C3036 [10:19 PM]: and don't come running to Josh cuz he won't care
emoocowpunks [10:19 PM]: that low like your i q
FrOsTyFoX36C3036 [10:19 PM]: and he knows you don't want to talk to him anymore
FrOsTyFoX36C3036 [10:19 PM]: you don't know anything about me except that Josh really loved me all the time
FrOsTyFoX36C3036 [10:20 PM]: and that kills you inside
emoocowpunks [10:20 PM]: i'll always be the only other girl he ever kissed
emoocowpunks [10:20 PM]: i get to ove on
emoocowpunks [10:20 PM]: you have to live with that foreveer
FrOsTyFoX36C3036 [10:21 PM]: see but I am actually happy and that brings us even closer because I've kissed other guys than Josh, jus makes us more relatable to each other
FrOsTyFoX36C3036 [10:22 PM]: I don't think about it everyday,I am happy, you're married to someone who you say is the man of your dreams yet you talk to your ex's girlfriend and play these petty games. It's very sad. I feel very sorry for you, but I don't like you, so I'll forget about it
FrOsTyFoX36C3036 [10:22 PM]: everybody makes their fuck ups. You were Josh's
FrOsTyFoX36C3036 [10:22 PM]: BIG FUCK UP!
FrOsTyFoX36C3036 [10:22 PM]: they don't get more crazier than you do
FrOsTyFoX36C3036 [10:22 PM]: and at least I can spell Liv
emoocowpunks [10:23 PM]: good bye so long have fun in the gutters
FrOsTyFoX36C3036 [10:23 PM]: and you know you're even more jealous of me cuz I've worked my ass off in the gym and you can't do that
emoocowpunks signed off at 10:24 PM
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Jus fiddling around. took a test. Look who it is Josh, you're fav blue game charactor [May. 25th, 2005|02:50 pm]
[mood |hungryhungry]
[music |F-a-b-o-l-o-u-s(hooked on phonics worked 4 me!) breathe]

Would anyone want to bang you? by phobia
Favorite Food:
Wants to Bang you:
This many times:57
Quiz created with MemeGen!
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